Miss my blog

I miss my blog. I don't have internet at home so yeah I haven't been blogging as a result but right now I'm on a temp assignment just covering the phones so I have plenty of time to write and reflect. Overall I miss writing online. I miss my posts. I won't make any promises to write consistently on this blog but when I am able I will post something. I was looking over blogs from over a year ago and it is amazing all that God has done in and through me over the last year. I am not who I was and God is still molding me into who I will be and I'm really comfortable with who I am right now. I like me. All my little quirks and all I am quite pleased with me.

This Christmas season I am endeavoring to step outside of myself and love like I have never loved before. I have no idea what that looks like or what it will be but I am willing to be used. I don't what to remain hidden any longer I want to be used. Over the last 2 years it's almost like I've been in an oil press, being crushed until there is no more me, in order that God can pour out Himself on me so that I may be used. I want to go over everything that happened over the last year because it has truly been phenomenal. So maybe in 2010 I'll do a recap of 2009 so I can share with you all the many blessings that the Lord has bestowed upon me in hopes that you may be blessed too.

More posts later.

Amber

Back in the Habit

"I've been gone for a minute but now I'm back with the jumpoff" -Lil Kim...IDK it felt relevant at the moment I was typing it all out...lol. Anywho I'm back. Finally got stable internet in mi casa and now I will be blogging my little heart out on this site as well as on Urbanspin.net. I now have a weekly blog on Urbanspin.net, entitled "As Told By Amber". The site will have other bloggers as well and it's just a blog about my take on the world. Similar to this blog but less personal. So if you like what you've been reading or had been reading on this site prior to my unannounced hiatus then head on over and read my debut blog "I hate Musicals", it's an interesting POV at American's Sweetheart the musical. Anywho I'm glad to be back. I will most definitely update you all on my status and how my journey since my abrupt dissapperance from the web. Thanks again for all of your support and encouragement. I read all of my comments and do my best to respond and visit your blogs as well. Continue to support me and I will support you. Looking forward to writing and sharing a lot more.

Your blogger,

Amber

Seasons

I would apologize for my absence but I'm not sorry one bit. As far as I can see this has been the best time of my life and it's only the beginning. I am just getting started. I'm not who I used to be and I'm not who I'm supposed to be. Or maybe I'm not who I thought I'd be. I'm just me. I've entered a place of no return and now all I can do is work. All I can do is prepare. All I can do is read. All I can do is lift my hands. I've been hiding for too long. Now it's not like captivity as I thought it to be. Now I am sharpening my weapons preparing for the battle. Now I am drawing my schematics out so that the plan can be implemented. Now I am really doing what needs to be done. A time is coming when no man can work. We will eat but not by our traditional work. We will hide in the dark places not to blend in but to expose the darkness. Our light will overtake all the evil and again the world will be safe in time to come. We will expose the threat that lurks behind the lion. For thou he roar, his bark hath no bite. I will be as who I was created to be since the beginning of time. All things will be made new. A refreshing is coming. The planting season is over and the rains have come. If anything we are in the eye of the storm. Waiting for the next rain so that we may be tested. For what we planted went through a burning season. The land was torched and only what was fire proofed made it through the storm. Now what remains and has survived the fire has been watered. Today the sun shines and the seeds will receive their fill. However when the day is done, they still need time to grow. Next we must receive more rain. It has to come. It may be cold but it's refreshing. Don't you remember the fire. It was hot. After the rain, the sun will come to nourish us again. After he has come then we will grow once again. We will have a growth spurt. Once we have reached maturity it will be time for us to be plucked and the process continues.

Public or Private

I think I'm the perfect mix of "in between". I'm not too public and I'm not too private. I guess I'm lukewarm but in a secular sense. I want to you to be hip to all my ways but blind to all my sin. I want to you feel my writing but never see my poems crying. I need you to be encouraged to change your life but never stop to question if I'm living right. I guess it's just the downfall of a leader. You work for the people but never stop to get what you need. In fact you never acknowledge the fact that you do need. I mean God has called you and that does mean he's qualified you so why stop. I mean I ain't trying to be wondering around in no desert for days or years even. I'm trying to move. I gotta keep it pushing. Always pressing. BUT is it really in a good way? Am I pressing against adversity or just preventing God's hand from blessing me? I mean it's easy to get confused. How quickly your work be done in vain if your heart is not changed. The minute you start thinking you've arrived is the moment that you've just departed. Departed from the place of grace or even understanding. Making it hard to see what to see in the midst of a storm. In a place of privacy not wanting publicity. I mean I don't know what you see but I have to fight this hypocrisy and just be me.

My Heart's Prayer

I cry now for my daughters and sons. For those who have yet to be born. My heart is burdened with their future responsibilities. I pray now that they would be strengthened. I pray now that they would heed the Holy Spirit in all its warnings. I know that they are anointed. I know that they have a gifting and a calling far greater than mine. I look forward to the day when they will recognize their power.

YES on 8

YES on 8 passed but now what? What do we do now? I recently checked out the NO on 8 website and the supporters of No on 8 aren't giving up. They are determined to fight for what they believe in. Are we determined to do the same? Are we ready to fight to protect what we believe? They are! There was a huge march on Santa Monica Blvd and to the Los Angeles Temple to protest the passing of Proposition 8. I guess they targeted the Mormon Church because they had given the most money in support of the proposition. I don't know fellow Christians are you ready to be persecuted for Christ's name sake? I am finally ready and I am ok with those beliefs being challenged. I know who I am!

CHANGE

Man don't talk to me about change.

I AM Change.

That's my first and last name.

Heck maybe even middle name.

The swagger that I have that's offensive to you is changing some one's life everyday.

I live, breathe, eat and drink change.

I cannot remain the same.

Everyday I have to die to myself so that I can truly grow.

Always thinking and evaluating where I am and where I'm going.

Never stopping because to stop would mean delay and the time is now.

The time is now for change.

Barack Obama

There is so much that I want to say. So much that I want to share. My mind is just...doing flips...WOW. Let me first be honest. I'll admit initially I wasn't sure who I was voting for. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't voting for Barack because he was black or for McCain just so I wasn't voting for Barack because he was black. I feel that both candidates did not completely line up with my beliefs but one seemed to really identify with me more than the other. So I voted for Barack Obama because he just seemed to stay with his message throughout his whole campaign and he really seemed to care about the people.

Last night for me, was quite surreal. It didn't hit me until after I had cast my vote. I was getting in my car and it dawned on me "I just voted for a black man." Like huh? I just did what? A black man ran for president and won. Not just any black man but a black man that stands for change in health care and the economy. I mean there are some other issues that I am not for that Barack supports but that's where I am able to say my piece as a citizen. People we can't just turn our backs on politics. I am so proud of people standing up for what they believe in but guess what? It ain't over! We still have to fight. Barack made it through the door, and for many of us there are doors in our own personal journeys that have yet to be approached. So don't forget yesterday. Don't forget the impact that it had on your life. History was made yesterday and it has changed the world. However our part as the people is not done. We have a lot of work to do. Restoration is needed. It's going to be hard and long and we need to start now.

Start writing our lawmakers at the local level asking for change. Calling upon our non-profit organizations, local churches, and fellow citizens. Calling upon them to do what they were elected to do. My prayer is that people don't stop being involved. My prayer is that they don't stop seeing that their vote matters. That they matter as an individual person. Last night was powerful. Anywho I'm sooo excited! I am excited to continue to be apart of our democratic system. People died so that I could vote. So that I could be equal. I can't disappoint them. I have to share my ideas and beliefs!

And another thing...I guess since it's my blog I can say what I want. However I was thinking about how as a child I wanted to be President of the United States. Now as a 22 year old woman I could actually run as a candidate in the future. That's not a lofty idea. It's not too far off. I could possibly be anything that I want to be. I mean I know that through Christ I can be anything. It's just nice to see this demonstrated in a such a historic way. With all that said, pray for the people. Pray for our leaders. Pray for our Churches. Pray! It really changes things.

To Be or Not To Be

I want to share all that is within me. There's so much in me that is just sitting and wasting away. There is hope, there is truth, there is love, but most of all there is CHRIST. He resides on the inside of me so if anything I would want to introduce you to him that he can give the true gift that keeps giving to you. I would pray that you would accept him into your life because you are accepting the words that I am speaking or writing at this second not as my opinion but as the Word of God. My prayer is that all men would come to know the love of CHRIST. It's so strong. It's so gentle. It's so eternal. Once you get a taste, I love the scripture, "Taste and see that the Lord is Good". I can't remember the address but it blows my socks off. I think it matches the mind of most people, we love samples, trials, freebies, etc and this scripture seems almost like a dare, NO A DOUBLE DOG DARE. We are being admonished to try God. To just take a taste. Have you ever tasted a sauce you were making, or a special dish and you wouldn't to make sure that it would please your guests. Didn't all it take was a small taste to know that it was good. Didn't you only need to get the flavor of it in your mouth to know that it was seasoned just right that you didn't need anything else. Well that's how Christ is! All you need to do is take a small taste. Nothing major just a little taste to see if he is good. There is no need for refunds or exchanges because you won't be going back to your former life. You will be living an eternal.

LOL...I am literally laughing thinking about my thoughts and desires as a child. I would watch these shows and movies about immortal characters. I think it was Buffy the Vampire Slayer that really had me sold on this idea. I think certain characters made potions or found a way to be immortal and the whole idea really seemed cool. Especially since the idea of death really weirded me out, this idea of eternal life seemed so cool. I think I would go to bed praying that I too could live forever. I didn't want to die but I wanted to live. Over 10 years later, what do you know? I am immortal...okay not in a literal sense but in a figurative one. I have eternal life granted to me by my heavenly Father. So because Christ resides in me, I will now live on with him after this life. How exciting? Wow...life after death...or immortality as I'd like to refer to it.

Super Tuesday

Hmmmm what if Christians repped CHRIST just as hard as they repped OBAMA? Notice that I said "CHRISTIANS" before you start to comment! What if they rocked CHRIST SHIRTS, BUTTONS, PINS, ETC. What if they signed up to work his campaign? CHRIST's Campaign that is. Nothing against OBAMA (I like him) but what if we flew across the country to tell ... Read Morepeople about JESUS CHRIST and the HOPE that's in HIM! WOW, what a difference that would make in people's lives? That's why it's gotta start with my life! I live for CHRIST therefore everyone that runs into me, will SEE the HOPE in my life because of CHRIST! No RELIGIOUS ACTIVITIES or Shenanigans here, just the LOVE OF CHRIST!!! SO WITH THAT SAID, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

I just can't stop singing it!

Ok so I have Hillsongs, When I think about the Lord just stuck in my head. It just keeps playing and playing.



Artist: Hillsongs Australia
Song: When I think about the Lord

When I Think about the Lord,
How He saved me, how He raised me,
how He filled me, with the Holy Ghost.
How He healed me, to the uttermost.

When I Think about the Lord,
how He picked me up and turned me around,
how He placed my feet on solid ground

Chrous*

It makes me wanna shout,
Halleilujiah,
Thank you JESUS,
LORD, your worthy, of all the glory, and all the honor,
and all the praise.

CSUN Gospel Choir

Alright so I don't want my blog to be about all videos but as of late I have been feeling real private with my thoughts. Not wanting to share too much and give away more than is necessary for people to know. I will be posting things real soon but as for now I'm just thinking. I'm just pondering all that is and all that was. Anywho in all my pondering of the past I ran across this video of the CSUN Gospel Choir. A group that had a large impact on my life during college, not that college was so long ago but this video reminded me of that time in my life. How I felt & What I was going through and where I am now. All I can do is Thank God! I'm not who I used to be and even the good things he was blessing me with then, he has added to that more and more so I am just Thankful for what the Lord is doing in and through me. He is so awesome. So as you watch this video I hope that you are blessed. I hope that you are touched and I hope you remember where you were and where you are and how those two places differ and more importantly I hope that you see room in your life where God can do more and definitely move you to a new place in HIM. Well with that said...ENJOY!

Too Cute!

ME

Broken heart of mine be not deceived by what you see. For it is only temporal in its status lasting no longer than its purpose allows. It is so much more than know. Learning how not to be swayed by your emotions is a difficult thing I am learning. I'm getting better at it though.

The Theater is ALIVE in LA!

Last Night I was refreshed. I was made alive again by my first love. The theater. It has been awhile that I do admit but oh how time has only made my heart grow fonder. A love I thought was dead has become new again. This is my endorsement for the August Wilson play, Two Trains Running. It is good. A must see!

Get your tickets on It's My Seat

Tell a friend!

Sharing to share

Have you ever wanted a do-over? Do you remember playing handball against those huge blue walls in the middle of the black top, calling out things like white magic, black magic, rainbows, bubbles or pops? Well I do! And I especially remember making a slip up which I wouldn't admit then but in retrospect was all my doing but trying to get over on my opponents I'd ask for a do-over. Does anyone feel me this morning? Well in all my flesh, I slipped up. Not super bad(no pun intended but if it's there, laugh a little) but anywho I just lost track of my goal, my desire, I guess my purpose or you could even say that I lost heart. Something so simple yet I refused to do it. I don't have to say what it is, fill in the blank for your own life. With that said I just asked God for a redo or a do-over. I wanted another chance to try to pass the test. So I guess this morning I'm just saying Thanks for the Do-over.

The Art of Waiting: Lord Make Me a Servant

There's something to be said about a waiter. I mean it's a decent occupation. It brings money into the house but I mean it's such a lowly position. I mean think about it, depending on where you go, there is a host/hostess at most restaurants. Some one who stands at the door and greets you. They welcome you into the restaurant and essentially set the tone for the evening or morning you will experience at their restaurant. Then after they have seated you, if you have a good waiter before you can even look at the menus he or she is over at your table or booth inquiring about your drink orders and telling you about the House Special probably something grilled over a bed of rice with way more garnish than meat but of course you listen to be polite and then rumble off your drink orders. Pretty soon your waiter (or some places even call them servers) whisks away to get your drinks. They may ask you if you are ready to order but chances are you may not be, depending on your appetite or familiarity with the restaurant. So they will continue to check in on you until you are ready and depending on how picky you are when you are ready to order then the server will undergo a series of questions about the menu, and it's entrees. You may ask, is the chicken spicy? Can I have the House Special with no onions? Is it possible to have the steak cooked medium-well with crisp edges? And by the end of it all you have ordered a completely different item then when you first began to order. Then after he or she takes your menus, they may come back and drop some bread or chips and salsa on the table to keep you at bay. All the while refilling your beverages. Waiting on you while you are waiting. I mean the occupation of waiting is truly a selfless task. You do all this running and waiting and asking all so that someone else can benefit from your service and OK yes you are getting paid to do it and there may be a fat tip involved but for the most part you are waiting on people and serving them.

Now I'm not a waitress but I was in high school. I waited and bussed tables and let me tell you that it has its up days and its down days. But can I tell you this?

It pays off, it is what it is but like anything you grow, you learn and I guess by now you get that I'm not talking about becoming professional waiters or servers but maybe eternal waiters and servers.

Waiting on a Mate

Whew...lol...this is something I know absolutely nothing about but boy am I learning. See I guess growing up I thought that you had control over your life. Well hang on let me try that again. I guess growing up I thought I had control over my life. I thought my life was my own, blah blah blah (cry me a river) but anywho as I began to grow I began to see that I didn't. See for some reason I thought I would take a long time to finish school. Finished 3 years earlier than planned. Then I thought that as soon as you are done with school you just work the job you want. You decide on it, apply and BAM it's yours...OK soooo yeah that's not true. And all while doing this I thought you met the man of your dreams and get married and have lots of babies, OK so yeah...Where is He at?LOL...but now seriously. That's what I thought now granted this was 10 years ago but that's what I thought happened until I met CHRIST. Boy did that change things. So now I'm learning that waiting on a mate is about serving. It's about serving Christ with my all. It's about really letting go of what I knew...for example, my plan to be done with school at 24, married, and working a dream job and maybe having a bun in the oven. Oh yeah did I mention I want like 14 kids (7 by me, 7 by adoption...I know but if I have the money and provision and blessing from God) Anywho so this waiting thing is about serving. So now I have to renew my mind because of course I thought receiving a mate really meant that I was seeking a mate. However I am the woman so that can't be right. Now I am serving instead of receiving...hmmm what does that look like. Waiting on a mate is essentially waiting on God whether you are the male or the female. One if you are the male yes it is your job to approach and pursue and court the woman but if God hasn't given you the go ahead you could be wasting your time. So waiting on God is a must in that situation and ladies please don't get it twisted, it's your job to wait on God as well. You will have to wait on God to know how to respond when a man does approach you. Is it really God?

Waiting on Glory

I think waiting on a mate is similar to waiting for God's Glory to be revealed. God's Glory being Jesus the son of man. It's something that we spend our whole lives looking forward to. The glorious day when Jesus comes back to get those he loves and those who love him. Waiting has a lot to do with preparation. Pastor Dre, a co-pastor at my church Hope's House preached about the gap/time/space that exists between the promise and the actual possession or manifestation of that promise using the example of Abraham and the promise God made to him to make him the father of many nations when he was old and his wife still barren. It's a perfect example of a situation where God said something was to take place but there still needed to be time before he could fulfill or make good on his word. Preparation is what needed to occur if you ask me. We want to go to Glory but we aren't ready and frankly we still need to spread the Good News. It's an individual issue with a group effort. We each are responsible for our own lives and walks but collectively we need to unite and prepare ourselves for his coming again.

Waiting in the midst of a Storm

I think the latter of the last section is important for a time such as now. We are dealing with such scary times financially. We've known for years that our motto or slogan on our currency wasn't true. IN GOD WE TRUST, no offense but I believe that we (Americans) trust God as far as we can throw him, and if you haven't noticed no man has seen God in all his greatness and fullness's so yeah...you get it. But if that's what we believe then why are times proving that our hope was really in the almighty dollar and not in God. If that's what we believe then why is there no prayer in school? Hmmmm makes you think or at least it makes me think. But more importantly if we were to prepare ourselves collectively for the group effort then I think that would make things easier for us during the storm. In the midst of it all, waiting wouldn't seem so hard. Waiting wouldn't seem like a pain or a punishment. It would seem like waiting. Nothing is wrong, God's not mad, you're just waiting.

Back by popular Demand

No it's not a DJ with another mixtape or another mindless television program meant to rot your brain but it's me. The one, the only...lol...I'm soooooo just kidding. No but for real people have been asking me to update my blog so I thought I'd just share some things running through my mind.

I guess it's safe to say that when you declare something that you'd better be good and ready to back it up. That if you are going to be about something that well by gosh jolly gee willagers better be ready to defend it! So again not for the first and definitely not for the last time.

I Love CHRIST!

I'm Just So...

...thankful to be alive. Thankful to be living. Happy to be here. Even though my life is way different than I planned it to be I know that it's exactly where God has planned for me to be. Lately I've been learning that to be discontent with the temporary means that I have a lack of understanding of who my heavenly father is. I say that because if things are not going your way and you are upset about it and you are praying and worshiping your way through it and nothing is changing. God may be trying to tell you something. Trust and believe I'm not trying to be spooky but if you are single and discontent and mad that every time you try to hook up with someone that it does not work then you may be discontent with God's plan for your life right. Please understand that I am speaking about my personal experience and what's going on with me and in no way shape or form is this blog absolute. It's just my opinion and what I'm living and what I know to be true. Anywho I'm coming to understand that there is a reason for everything even the bad things that may have happened in your life. God knows about them. He saw them. He may have even planned for them to happen because he knew that they would make you into the individual that you are in. I'm not saying to thank God for crazy things, like Thank you Lord that I was robbed and beat or raped. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying Thank God in all seasons. Do not draw away from Him when you are hurt and you think that He is responsible. If anything confront him, pour out your heart and soul to Him because unlike the people in your life who are human, God's not going run or lie (He's not the son of man that he should lie or have to repent, lowkey I know it's in the bible but too lazy to run to biblegateway.com right now to get the address of the scripture) but anywho I'm learning that when I open my heart and life up to God that I am giving Him an open invitation to infiltrate my life in however he sees fit. Which means how he see fit may not match up to how I see fit. See how I see fit may be God blessing me with a promotion with a fat raise at my job, as well as bless me with some extra checks in the mail to pay off my credit debt and car loan, and bless me with a boo(not just a boo but a husband who I'd call my boo forever), my own place, a fly new wardrobe, etc, etc, etc. And the whole time God is like nope, press. Let's press for my presence...how about I build your character so that I can send you into the nations. Yes Amber those things that you desire are great but there is a time and place for all things and right now I want to work in you. I want to develop you more. You are the woman that I created you to be but there is more that I require of you as well as more that I want to do in your life. But if you let me in, I promise you that I will do the work if you let me in to do the work.

Fight

We need to fight for what we want and that may not look like what we think fighting looks like. We may have to submit in order to fight. We may have to be quiet in order to fight. We may have to sit in order to fight. I think about past relationships and friendships and how sometimes we had to fight in order to grow. It was in our disagreements that we actually grew closer. We needed to communicate but didn't know how and it took some tension to build up between us in order to actually express ourselves so that we could get past this stagnant place that had become so normal and comfortable. Today I feel like God is encouraging us to fight. Fight for what we believe in. Fight for those we love. Fight.

Fight (when used as a verb with no object) means to engage in battle, or in a single combat, attempt to defend oneself against or to subdue, defeat, or destroy an adversary.

Who is your adversary? Who's been fighting you?

Hmmm when I think about engaging in battle it makes me think of all the times I have avoided controversy because I didn't want to stand out or be different or because I wanted to just blend in. I don't think God is calling us to blend in. I think he is calling us to separate ourselves. I think that God is calling us to be set apart.

Whatever it is that God has called you to do or to separate yourself from, PLEASE DO THAT. However know that you're going to have to fight. Don't run from the battle. Perfect Love casts out fear, right? Then let's not be afraid. We are soooooo dangerous. We have power. People are waiting on us.

Can you encourage someone today? Can you step outside of yourself? Can you stop worrying about your empty gas tank, didn't you make it to work or school? Someone else didn't make it their destination. Someone else didn't wake up. Someone else is depressed, can you go tell them about the truth that lives in you. Man we know all this. I'm not saying nothing new because there ain't nothing new under the sun.

Can you give thanks to God? Thank HIM.

Man we got to fight to pray, fight to praise, fight to thank, fight to love, fight for everything that is important to us. God is giving us grace so let's give it to someone else today. Let's love someone. Let's do the report ahead of the due date just to make some one else's job easier. Let's treat someone just because. Man let's go against the grain not for the heck of it or even our sake but for HIS Name sake!

Can I tell you something?

We win this fight!

Alright that's it for now...just wanted to encourage you the way God did me this morning. Man I needed it to. Because lowkey, I had in my mind that I'm a lover not a fight but lowkey God has called us to be both. Is HE not the lion and the lamb? Precious and Mighty. Man....ya'll don't even know...lol...alright. Have a good day!

I love you all!

--
Amber Rhodes