Public or Private

I think I'm the perfect mix of "in between". I'm not too public and I'm not too private. I guess I'm lukewarm but in a secular sense. I want to you to be hip to all my ways but blind to all my sin. I want to you feel my writing but never see my poems crying. I need you to be encouraged to change your life but never stop to question if I'm living right. I guess it's just the downfall of a leader. You work for the people but never stop to get what you need. In fact you never acknowledge the fact that you do need. I mean God has called you and that does mean he's qualified you so why stop. I mean I ain't trying to be wondering around in no desert for days or years even. I'm trying to move. I gotta keep it pushing. Always pressing. BUT is it really in a good way? Am I pressing against adversity or just preventing God's hand from blessing me? I mean it's easy to get confused. How quickly your work be done in vain if your heart is not changed. The minute you start thinking you've arrived is the moment that you've just departed. Departed from the place of grace or even understanding. Making it hard to see what to see in the midst of a storm. In a place of privacy not wanting publicity. I mean I don't know what you see but I have to fight this hypocrisy and just be me.